May 23, 2017
“The best words for resolving a disagreement are ‘I could be wrong.'” – Brian Tracy
Ah, the havoc we wreak in defense of our egos. Needing to be right is not only the primary impediment to resolving disagreement: it is the primary cause of disagreement.
Without getting terribly philosophical, the beginning of this condition is our belief that we are separate, unique, alone and vulnerable. If this is how we think, then our subconscious is tasked with the job of defending us against all who would make us wrong or harm us in any manner. This leads to what Stephen Covey calls a win/lose negotiation style. If the ego must triumph, then integral to winning is making sure the “other loses.
The cure for this condition is a shift in perspective. With a more global viewpoint, we see ourselves as part of a community of beings doing our best to live happy and productive lives. The desire for peace and harmony becomes more important than being right. We see and appreciate the benefits of all sides compromising so that none feel defeated or disenfranchised.
With this new, more productive perspective, we create less disagreement, easily and quickly resolve disagreements when they do arise and are in a position to learn. Being open to the ideas of others is how we grow. Defending our personal opinions leads to stagnation. To grow or stagnate – our choice to make each day. So, for me, today I choose to grow. I’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
May 12, 2017
“All things are created twice,” is a quote by Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
The first creation is what Stephen Covey calls the vision we form of the thing we wish to create. The second creation is the physical manifestation of that vision. The second creation is a matter of choosing the behaviors, the actions that will lead to the manifestation of your vision. The true creation is the forming of your vision. This can be tricky. If we do not take responsibility and consciously create our first creation, we empower others to do it for us – parents, friends, teachers, or societal influences such as magazines, movies or T.V. commercials.
To truly fulfill your personal wants and needs, and to assure that your goals are congruent with your fundamental (core) values, it is critical that your vision is selected by you. History is filled with individuals who successfully manifested someone else’s dream at the expense of their personal values. Success in this circumstance is hollow, leading all too often to some form of self-destruction – drugs, alcohol or other risky behaviors – even suicide.
According to Covey, “Personal Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success. Personal Leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.” To assure that your ladder is in the right place, maintain an awareness of your fundamental values and make them the criteria by which you create your vision. That achieved, you can manage your second creation, choosing behaviors and actions that are congruent with your vision.