Forgiveness

March 12, 2010

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces on earth. Applied generously, it can provide relief for both the giver and the receiver.

For the receiver, the effects are pretty obvious. Being forgiven can ameliorate feelings of guilt for what it is they have done, and worry over the future of their relationship with the giver. It can have a positive effect on the receiver’s self-image, and infuse them with a general sense of  well-being.

Oddly enough, the same benefits are available to the giver. In general, we forgive people because we perceive that they have wounded us in some manner. We judge their actions as wrong. The “projection” effect tells us that when we criticize others we are criticizing ourselves. What we object to in another’s actions are actions that we have taken and regret or that we have imagined taking but believe are inappropriate. So when we forgive another we are, in effect, forgiving ourselves.

And forgiving yourself is very powerful medicine.


How Hard Can You Get Hit?

August 23, 2008

Quote of the Week

 

“It ain’t about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep movin forward.”  

                       Rocky Balboa

 

From the mouths of fictional punch-drunk fighters…

 

Part of living a happy, stress-free life is choosing your battles wisely. If we were to pick a fight every time life failed to turn out the way we’d planned, we’d all be punch drunk.

 

Choosing your battles means deciding how important it is that another driver fails to let you merge into an exit lane. Once it happens, there is nothing you can do but look for another opening or go to the next exit and double back. You can perform these tasks in an agitated, finger-out-the-window manner, or you can take a deep breath and “keep movin forward.”

 

How you react to life’s little disappointments is determined by “how hard you can get hit.”

1.    How much criticism can you take?

2.    How important is it that you are right?

3.    How important is it that others acknowledge your accomplishments?

4.    How do you feel when others act in ways you don’t agree with?

 

In the end, we have very little control over the actions of others. What we do control is how we react to those actions. How quickly and effectively we “move forward” depends to a great extent on how we react to adversity.

 

Having been in real estate sales since 1976, I have managed agents through several recessions and numerous transitions in the housing market. When the market slows down, many agents have to move through all four stages of grief: Denial, Depression, Anger and Acceptance. By the time they finally achieve acceptance, the bills are piling up and their pipeline is empty.

 

The agents who continue to thrive in the midst of change are those who calmly analyze the situation, make adjustments and keep working.

 

Succinctly stated by Joe Pass (The Guitar Player Book) “When the chord changes, you should change.”