When all is failing, be optimistic!

August 24, 2010

Quote of the Week

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.
Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
–Helen Keller

 So, here is the million dollar question: How can you feel optimistic when you just lost 2 escrows and the one remaining is a short sale you’ve been nursing for 8 months? How can you feel confident when nothing seems to be working for you? (I know that was two questions) 

The answer is simple. Your level of optimism cannot be contingent upon how well “things are going.” Self-confidence cannot be contingent on whether you are currently successful. Huh? Yes, that is what I meant to say. Allowing your feelings to be contingent on past and present results is my definition of VICTIMHOOD. 

You have no control over your feelings when you allow them to be shaped by past or current results. They become like corks bouncing on the waves, controlled by the winds and the currents.  Is this how you want to live? Of course not. 

So, how do you break the relationship between what you see and what you believe? The same way you master anything—the same way you get to Carnegie Hall—practice, practice, practice. Detach your feelings from current events. Focus on your vision of the future. Visualize yourself as a happy, healthy, successful person and allow that image to mold your feelings. Yes you will feel better, but more than that—your positive, optimistic attitude will attract people into your life who can help you to succeed.

When you radiate self-confidence, others feel confident in your abilities.


Expand your “Fear Zone”

March 21, 2010

“Comfort Zone” is a dreadfully inaccurate term, the product of a mind in denial.

“Fear Zone” is far more evocative of the self-imposed prisons in which most people choose to hide. 

 

You tell me: is it comfortable to live within boundaries fashion by fear and self-doubt? 

All but a small number of fully enlightened humans live without a fear zone. Within the zone are all of the experiences you are willing to incorporate into your life. Perhaps you are willing to swim in a fresh water pool but would never swim in the ocean (you know, sharks, jelly fish). You may be comfortable calling friends but become anxious and physically ill at the thought of calling strangers. Swimming in the ocean and calling strangers are activities that many people do in complete comfort but they are simply outside your fear zone. 

Every fear zone is different, molded by complex combinations of beliefs we’ve accumulated since birth. These beliefs are neither right nor wrong. They are simply decisions we have made about what we can and cannot do. 

There is good news: Once we understand how we constructed our fear zones, we have the power to adjust them, to expand our boundaries to incorporate activities, relationships, experiences that we previously considered unimaginable. 

Transformation of what is possible begins by knowing that you can change. Once you have that down, create a blueprint of what you want your life to become—set goals. Then, using tools such as affirmations, visualization, meditation, whatever works for you, convince yourself that you are transforming into the new you. When you reach the point of knowing that the process is irrevocable, it will happen. Your new, expanded beliefs will allow you to participate more fully in the world. As a consequence of completing this process, you will notice a dramatic improvement in your self-esteem. Recognizing and moving beyond fear is one definition of bravery. And, man, does it feel good.


Forgiveness

March 12, 2010

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces on earth. Applied generously, it can provide relief for both the giver and the receiver.

For the receiver, the effects are pretty obvious. Being forgiven can ameliorate feelings of guilt for what it is they have done, and worry over the future of their relationship with the giver. It can have a positive effect on the receiver’s self-image, and infuse them with a general sense of  well-being.

Oddly enough, the same benefits are available to the giver. In general, we forgive people because we perceive that they have wounded us in some manner. We judge their actions as wrong. The “projection” effect tells us that when we criticize others we are criticizing ourselves. What we object to in another’s actions are actions that we have taken and regret or that we have imagined taking but believe are inappropriate. So when we forgive another we are, in effect, forgiving ourselves.

And forgiving yourself is very powerful medicine.


Risk – The Greatest Security

November 10, 2008

Quote of the Week

 

“The greatest security is to plan and act, and take the risk that will ultimately ensure your personal freedom and independence.” -Denis Waitley

 

 

This is what great quotes do: they encompass profound, complex, often life-altering concepts or processes into succinct, one line instruction manuals for living.

 

Here we have the nearly universal human goal of freedom and independence, the prerequisite of a willingness to take risks, and the essential two step procedure – plan, then act. And each component of this procedure is absolutely indispensable to success.

 

Assuming the goal of freedom and independence, planning is a useless exercise without the willingness to take risks. Implicit to the achievement of any life-altering goal is the requirement to take new actions, to stretch beyond previous boundaries. Since new actions will likely create new, unfamiliar results, it is natural to experience a certain amount of trepidation. This is where willingness enters the equation.

 

You must be willing to step into the unknown and trust that you will survive. Do that and you’ll be amazed by how well you adapt. Looking back, you will say to yourself: “How could I have been so concerned about that. I did great!” “I wish I had tried that sooner.” “What was I afraid of?”

 

In the end, doubt is the greatest boundary to success. Suspend doubt, be willing to enter the unknown and freedom and independence are within your grasp.